3.14etc. Eating Contest Results

With apologies to the many fine performances you'uns have turned in so far this season, Fast Albert Greene's takes the cake (or, pie - see below).

"Here is your riddle for the day. I went the Baltimore Bike Jam bike race on Saturday and came in 2nd place and never touched a bike (well I did touch one but I never rode one). I came in 2nd place in the pie eating contest. Karen bought a slice of pie and I asked the guy about the pie eating contest and he said they had openings and that it was free. Pay for one slice or an entire pie for free - easy decision for me - more is always better. I thought it might be low key but it was in front of a stage and there were a quite a few people crowded around taking pictures, yelling etc. I hadn't really thought about it but th contest is the first to finish a pie and you must keep your arms behind your back. My strategy of eating what I wanted and walking aways quickly ended. I started out kind of fast (I was hungry) and then started to think about the ramification of eating an entire pie and started to think it would be nice if someone else would just hurry up and win. The famous scene in 'Stand by Me' came into mind. A girl on my right had made a ton of progress but didn't look well. I started to get my second win and decided to go for the victory and started to put away alot of pie. Too little too late and she beat me and all I had left was 1/4 of the bottom crust (that part was sort of thin). There were 10 people in the contest and most of them kids (2 of them were mine). Once again I've resorted to compeating against women and children. They said it was a 5 pound pie but I didn't feel too bad afterwards. My kids didn't fair as well and were laying around on the ground for a bit but recovered and never got sick (its hard to take care of children when I never learned any lessons growing up - repeat action same result, repeat action same result). I had never been in a contest like that and it was actually fun."

F. Albert, I salute thee!

M.